


What is imbedded in me

by Myindepthmind



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Cute, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Protective Bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 06:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myindepthmind/pseuds/Myindepthmind
Summary: He gazed upon the ceiling transfixed; he thought about his life with Clarke, his life without Clarke, and the pending doom that settles in his skin.His mouth taped shut, his eyes bloodshot from tears, he gazes upon a face he once knew that no longer belonged to the woman it resembled. It belonged to Josephine Lightbourne now, and the very thought is chilling to the bone.





	What is imbedded in me

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a very long time since I've posted so I thought I'd try and come back with something a little more fresh and new. I hope you guys enjoy this angsty one shot more than I enjoyed writing it.

At first he convinced himself it was a bad dream, and that the recorded tape was just from too long ago for it to be realistic now. That Clarke didn’t get tortured the way that girl did, that in some way, _she’s in there still._

 

“Listen you don’t have to do this” Murphy pleads. Bellamy had guessed he pulled a typical Murphy, his survival instincts kicked in and he agreed to help Josephine in exchange for his life. It was smart. _It was Murphy._

 

He makes eye contact with Bellamy, and Murphy wears his sorrow like a crown. For Bellamy was his best friend through it all, and he’s about to go through agonizing pain in the worst way possible.

 

“Well you obviously don’t know much about interrogation” Josephine says nonchalantly.

 

Murphy is rendered speechless, afraid of what he could say to make this girl turn on him.

 

“Look Murphy, you’re cute so I’ll let you off the hook for that one, but let’s make something clear, I’m in charge here.” She says confidently, dragging her hand across the counter she’s leaned on.

 

Clearing her throat, she begins to speak.

 

“Bellamy Blake, co-leader, or _was_ co-leader, I guess that title belongs to you now.” She smiles. “You know I almost got away with it all. You almost didn’t notice she was gone. I’m sure Clarke would have _loved_ to know that none of her friends really truly knew her at all. From my understanding, you all treated her like an outcast, like she didn’t save your lives _countless_ times. Impressed huh? about how much I know of Clarke. Hell, I’m sure she _enjoyed_ the sweet release.”

 

The room is silent, and Bellamy’s eyes become daggers.

 

_What does she know anyway?_

 

“You know I’m sure Clarke is somewhere deep down inside still. They always said that the host dies, and the consciousness is replaced by the new host, but I never truly believed it. Every person I’ve ever become, I _feel_ them.” She moves slowly.

 

Bellamy stiffens in his seat, his eyes don’t leave the woman in front of him. Brows furrowed, and anger boiling within.

 

_She’s in there somewhere_

 

“That’s how I know so much about Clarke.” She says, her tone softens.

 

“I feel her agony, her pain, her love, her sadness…” she trails off.

 

“When I look at each of you, I feel what she feels towards you all; each emotion. It’s all here with me. I guess her consciousness is stronger than my father thought.”

 

She smiles. “That’s alright though, because what she feels is nothing to me. I’m Josephine Lightbourne, not Clarke Griffin.”

 

“Why Clarke?” Murphy asks.

 

“Her blood obviously. I’d say I’m thankful, _I’m gorgeous_.”

 

Bellamy struggles in his seat. Desperate to shut her up. Desperate to find a way to save Clarke.

 

“Her feelings…” Josephine makes eye contact with Bellamy. “ _Unrequited_?” She asks.

 

He stops struggling and his eyes widen.

 

“Oh, surely you know right?” She laughs, and is taken aback by his awestrucken look.

 

“Love of her life, _Bellamy Blake_ . The man she called for over six years came back to her and he’s in the hands of the woman who tried to kill her; _agony_.”

 

Wide eyes, tears, _agony_.

 

“Echos her name right? Tell me Bellamy, when you gaze upon Clarke you feel love. Endless, circling, intense. Does Echo make you feel like that?” She asks. “Oh don’t be so surprised. Your eyes may be full of rage, but don’t think I’ve forgotten your eyes before you realized she was gone.”

 

_“You love her, you always have.”_

 

“I know what it looks like, when a man is in love. _Too bad_ you were never that devoted to Echo.”

 

Familiar words. Clarke’s memories surfacing within Josephine to use as ammunition. Bellamy had no idea Clarke heard those words that day. He had hoped she didn’t.

 

“You’re going to give me what I want.” She glares and stalks close to him. Circling around him, she plays with the curls of his hair.

 

“You really are pretty. I’m not surprised she’s been hung up over you for this long. Not _my_ type obviously.” She hums.

 

Murphy watches her, debating on what he can do next. He has to do something, he can’t let this go on. As much as living forever sounds like a euphoric dream from his days of being locked in that bunker, he had to get them both out of this alive. He sees an unused vial that contains some mysterious green liquid. He figures if he goes for it, he can at least buy himself enough time to free them both. The rest could wait later.

 

For now, he waits for the right time to strike.

 

Bellamy moves away from her touch.

 

“What’s the matter? Afraid I might bite?” She spats. “Trust me, I don’t intend on hurting you necessarily. Not the way you think.”

 

She crosses the room and picks up a small surgical knife and plays with the dull end of it.

 

“You’re going to give me what I want.” She repeats.

 

Bellamy is focused on her again. His fear wells in his gut, and from what he’s seen the woman before him is a loose cannon. She could do anything.

 

“You could make this really easy for me Bellamy.” Her eyes glow an ocean blue, and a smile so charming plays at her lips.

 

“You tell me who else is a “nightblood” and I’ll free you.”

 

_Madi._

_He can’t tell anyone about her._

_He promised Clarke he’d keep Madi safe._

 

“If you don’t, your princess gets it in the neck.”

She smiles slyly and pulls the small knife closer to her neck.

 

“It’s that simple.”

 

His eyes swell with tears again. He thought he was over Clarke. He thought after six years of mourning the loss of her that he could handle it.

He thought after opening up to someone else he could handle it. He thought after years of sitting at that windowsill that he could handle it.

 

He had her again, and things made sense.

 

Now the woman he loves is gone, and only a face is left.

 

He struggles and she moves closer to him.

 

“What happens to you?” Murphy asks.

 

“They just find me and take me out. It’s pretty easy.” She's snarky, arrogant, and it will be her downfall.

 

_Murphy is damn well determined._

 

He nods in response and watches the events unfold before him. Bellamy is near breaking point.

 

Josephine removes the tape slowly off his mouth.

 

He doesn’t scream or yell, he lets a heated and heavy breath go, and looks at her.

 

“Please I’ll do anything, I’ll stop struggling, you can kill me instead. _Please_ just don’t...don’t take what’s left of her away from me.”

 

Murphy’s heart breaks for the man before him. All those nights he’d put a blanket over Bellamy’s cold body as it was propped up on that windowsill.

 

“Anything?” She says “even the names of the night bloods among your people?” Intrigued she tilts her head and leans in close to him.

 

“I can see what I can do to help.” He makes eye contact with Murphy. It’s a signal.

 

“See that wasn’t so hard now was it?” She smiles. “Clarke would be thankful.”

 

“You don’t know a damn thing about Clarke Griffin.” Murphy says from behind her.

 

She turns around to him, and as she does the paralysis sets in from the needle now lodged in her neck.

 

“Now you’re gonna be a good girl while I untie Bellamy.” He says sarcastically. “Stay put, oh wait.”

 

Bellamy rolls his eyes as Murphy unties him. “You alright?” Murphy asks. Bellamy’s eyes don’t find his, instead they’re glued to the woman on the floor.

 

“ _Bellamy_ ”

 

“ _Bellamy_!”

 

His eyes finally find Murphy’s. “We’re gonna figure this out okay?”

 

_____________________________________________

 

**Eight hours later**

 

The group gathers to discuss Josephine, Clarke, and what to do moving forward.

 

Josephine is strapped to a medical bed, asleep from the paralysis drug circulating through her body.

 

“What can we really do?” Jordan asks. His voice laced with curiosity, worry and innocence. He’s thinking of how he could save Clarke, and Delilah.

 

“We could try what was done to me when Allie took over my brain, but I don’t know if it would work the same way. Allie tech was far more advanced than this. If I flip the switch I could lose both Clarke and Josephine simultaneously.” Raven inquires. They hadn’t been the best of friends, and they had their differences, but she wouldn’t ever wish death upon anyone, _especially Clarke._

 

“She’s the enemy isn’t she? The answer is simple” Echo says blatantly “we can’t let her live.”  

 

Bellamy stiffins and looks directly at her, replying coldly with a response that left the room dead silent. _“If you think for a minute I’m going to let you touch Clarke again you’ve got another thing coming.”_

 

That’s the Bellamy that Jordan heard stories about. His feelings for Clarke prominent and surfacing quick. His love for his friends, his people, it’s all coming back now.

The man who crossed an entire grounder army because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Clarke Griffin.

 

_The woman he has always loved._

 

“Bellamy” Echo tries to explain.

 

“No” he shoots back. “It’s not happening.”

 

“Bellamy” she says softly “Clarke’s gone.” Trying to reason with him, even though she knows it's pointless. She knew in her heart of hearts that Bellamy never truly stopped loving Clarke, and now she was certain that she’s lost him. She cares for him, and she wants to see him happy, but he will destroy himself searching for Clarke in what's left of her empty vessel. She watched him mourn her on the ark, and she knew that this would be much worse.

  


_“She’s not gone”_ He says softly.

 

“Josephine said it herself, she feels what’s left of the host. She feels their feelings. What more do we have to lose?” Murphy asks out loud to the room.

 

“If we don’t get Clarke back, Madi will be without a mother.” Jordan replies. “We need to try for at least Madi. Clarke is all Madi has ever known. She can’t be alone.”

 

“She wouldn’t be.” Bellamy retorts. “I’d take care of her. I promised Clarke I would.”

 

Echo sighs. “We need to try for Madi.”

 

The room agrees in unison, the only way to get Clarke back is to try. They know Clarke has done so much for them, they know her sacrifices she’s made since they landed on the ground. Selfless, loving, and a leader to her people.

 

“She deserves to be saved after all she’s done for us.” Emori breaks her silence. “Regardless of what issues you had with her before cryo or after. She’s the reason I’m alive today. We all make mistakes, we have all killed people; except for jordan that is.” She smiles and the group laughs. “So let's save Clarke, and show her that we haven’t forgotten what she means to us all individually. Let's save our leader.”

 

* * *

 

They prepare for the extraction of Josephine. The room is quiet as they prepare. Hooking wires up, making sure the restraints are tight. They only have one try on this, and they can’t mess it up.

 

“Look we have one try. One single try. If we manage to screw this up Clarke will be gone forever."

 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you Raven.” Clarke’s empty voice replies.

 

“The demon herself is awake.” Murphy retorts.

 

“Disappointing. I thought you were cute.” Josephine smirks at Murphy. “Tell me Raven, how many times have to you told Clarke off? Don’t you get tired of your own negativity?”

 

“Don’t let her get to you.” Murphy moves to Ravens side, touching her back, attempting to get her to come down of the anger high inevitably settling in her veins.

 

 _“Shut up”_ Raven spits at Josephine.

 

Josephine's head swivels left, and right. Scanning the room. She matches Bellamy’s glare with her own. “Bellamy, always a pleasure.”

 

He says nothing.

 

“Ahhhh and you must be his girlfriend.” Her eyes are now on Echo and Bellamy stiffins. “Does she know yet?”

 

Josephine giggles.

 

“None of this is important right now. Look, Josephine was it? I need you to work with me here for a second. I don’t want to kill you after I’m done getting you out of Clarke. Why are your people doing this, murdering innocent people to live forever? Is that fulfilling?” Raven demands answers.

 

 _“To murder innocents...no. To be granted eternal life? Yes.”_ Josephine takes a deep breath. “Look I don’t agree with my parents ways either. All we wanted was to live happily, and we were doing so before you all showed up. We had a system, we’re _happy_ here.”

 

“You murder innocents! You murdered Delilah!” Jordan raises his voice and Bellamy’s hand firmly grips his shoulder bringing him back to reality.

 

“Delilah knew what she was doing, Jordan. She knew she was next in line.” Josephine says. “This is our system, this is how we have lived. Those who come of age are chosen so we can begin anew.”

 

“What an assbackward system.” Murphy replies. “You shouldn’t kill innocent people so you can live selfishly forever. Doesn’t that keep you up at night little Josephine, knowing you murdered innocents? And what of that boyfriend of yours who brought you back with your father?”

 

 _“Shut up”_ Josephine says.

 

“Shoes on the other foot now isn’t it?” Murphy pokes and prods. Giving her what he feels she deserves.

 

“Don’t stoop to her level.” Bellamy is quick to stop Murphy. “Don’t give her the attention she wants.”

 

“Didn't think you’d settle into Clarke’s shoes so quickly. Maybe I was wrong after all, maybe your love for Clarke wasn’t _that_ strong after all.” Josephine hums to herself.

 

“Enough! Let’s just get this over with.” Echo’s had enough of listening to this woman manipulate the conversation, enough of her using Bellamy’s feelings as ammunition.

 

“If you do this say goodbye to Clarke. I may feel her, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to come back.”

 

“It’s worth a shot.” Raven says, and without hesitation she flips the switch. The group watches in terror as Josephine screams in agony.

 

Raven was unsure how the electrical surge would effect the old chip, and how it would effect Clarke if she’s alive in there still. She was worried that it may cause brain damage, amnesia, or in worst case death.

 

Bellamy covers his eyes. He’s shaking with fear. Jordan is at his side, as the man he’s looked up to in his bedtime stories is showing more fear than he ever has. The Death Wave didn’t scare him, not like the thought of losing Clarke did. Seeing his bedtime hero worry for the woman he loves, his kryptonite.

 

Echo winces as she watches Bellamy. She loves him, and seeing this was hard on everyone. Bellamy was the one they turned to when things went wrong on the ark. He’s their leader. He never showed weakness. He thought with his head after Clarke died, but it turns out, _his heart never left._

 

Josephine’s body goes lifeless as the surge stops. Raven runs to her side, and touches two fingers to her neck. “Her heart is still beating.”

 

In unison the group is relieved.

 

“Now we wait.” Raven says.

 

Bellamy leaves the room to get fresh air. He feels a hot sensation burning in his stomach. Rushing toward a patch of grass as he vomits. Gut wrenching tears fill his eyes.

 

_What if Clarke is gone? What if he lost her? What if she will never know he loves her?_

 

_What about Echo?_

 

It’s as if she knew she was being thought of. Echo appears at Bellamy’s side and places a hand on his back. Still leaned over and catching his breath, Bellamy looks at her.

 

Her brows are furrowed, and her face is full of sadness.

 

“Echo…” He starts to speak.

 

“Don’t.” she shakes her head “I knew going into this that she would always be in your heart, that she would always have your heart. When we landed on Earth, and Madi emerged from the bushes telling us of Clarke I watched you rush off into danger as you always would... _for her._ ” she sighs “I knew that it wouldn’t last between us.”

 

“Echo...I’m sorry.” he says softly.

 

“You would never love me the way you have always loved her. That's why I have to let you go. I want to see you happy, and if that’s with her….then I’m happy Bellamy.”

 

He’s speechless. Expecting her to be heartless, relentless, and heartbroken.

 

Instead there is peace within Echo.

 

Maybe this is what both of them needed.

 

* * *

 

**Ten hours later.**

 

Bellamy is at Clarke’s side, and has been since he got back. His hand laced in hers as his head is rested on part of the mattress.  

 

“Bellamy” Murphy nudges him. “Stupid, get up.”

 

Bellamy stirs out of sleep, looking onward at Clarke.

 

“Go get something to eat, I’ll call you if she wakes up.”

 

Bellamy hesitates for a moment, then agrees. He gets up, gives Murphy a nod of thanks and leaves the room.

 

“You sure are trouble.” Murphy slouches in the chair next to her. He admires a silent Clarke. No orders coming from her, no Josephine to threaten him. It’s quiet, and he’s never truly been around a quiet Clarke. He feels for Bellamy; but more importantly he feels how wrong he’s been to judge Clarke these past few days. He’s no more innocent than her, and he decides it’s time to let things go.

 

Twenty minutes or so pass, and Murphy finally breaks his lonesome silence.

 

“You know I think after surviving all you have, Priamfaya, everything humanly possible, I don’t think I’m the cockroach anymore.”

 

“I’d say you still are.” Clarke hums.

 

Murphy jolts in his seat, he takes a relieving breath.

 

“Two cockroaches then” Murphy laughs with her.

 

“Bellamy!” he shouts. Everyone who was on standby in the other room enters and smiles at a half asleep and very drowsy Clarke.

 

“You’re alive. Thank god.” Raven hugs her. “Don’t do stupid shit like that again you hear me? You’re supposed to save our ass.”

Clarke is overwhelmed by the smiles on all their faces. A shift from the earlier hate and anger she received often.

 

Her eyes land on Bellamy. He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks. His eyes bloodshot, his face a rosy red, shaky.

 

 _“Hey”_ she says softly to him.

 

He walks to her slowly, it’s as if shes a dream.

 

“You okay?” she asks. He kneels down at her side and she ruffles his hair.

 

 _“Yeah..”_ he’s relieved. _“I am now.”_ He takes her hand and kisses it. “I’m so sorry Clarke.”

 

“Hey now, none of that. I’m okay.” she smiles as her eyes water.

 

“Sorry to interrupt you two, but I have to ask. Clarke, did you hear her? Did you feel Josephine?” Raven asks.

 

“Yeah. I would try to control myself from the inside, but her conscious was too strong for me to handle.” Clarke replies.

 

“That’s what she said about you.” Murphy recalls. “She said that Russell didn’t realize how truly strong you were.”

 

Clarke lets out a laugh. “Russell doesn’t realize much. Where’s Madi?” she looks around.

 

“Safe with Gaia.” Echo says.

 

Clarke feels sadness as she looks upon Echo’s face. Knowing what has transpired, and the ripple effect it brings.

 

She tries to sit up, and Bellamy helps her.

 

“Look, everyone, I’m sorry if anything that was said was harmful. I couldn’t control it.”

 

“Clarke” Jordan interrupts. “It’s alright.” He clears his throat. “Now then, let's leave these two alone. I’m sure they have lots of leader stuff to chat about.”

 

The group files out, and Clarke looks at Bellamy.

 

“It’s never been unrequited.” She says. “I have always loved you.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes widen.

 

“I know you’re with Echo, and I know that happened while I wasn’t there, but when I said you kept me sane Bellamy…. _it was because my love for you did.”_

 

He smiles. “Less pathetic.” They laugh together.

 

“Echo understands.” Bellamy tells her.

 

She nods in understanding of how hard that must have been for them both.

 

“Clarke…” he says softly, leaning in and kissing her forehead. She smiles, takes his face in one of her hands and gently kisses his lips.

 

A fire set inside them both that could burn an entire city.

 

“If you let me Clarke Griffin, I will love you for as long as I can.” He smiles as their foreheads pressed together.

 

_“Forever it is then.”_

  
  
  



End file.
